What happens to a dream deferred?
What happens when you are stuck between a rock and a hard place?
I'll tell you what happens. You get individuals that will fight for what they believe in. You get individuals that will not back down. You get individuals that will continue to go through the struggle to receive the promise.
These past few weeks have been hard for me. I've been interviewing like crazy and even while sick with the flu I've hustled like I've never hustled before. But on Monday, a university told me I wasn't smart enough on paper to apply to their school and on Wednesday a prospective job told me I was incapable of writing grammatically correct statements and using online systems. It's also obvious that on Tuesday, I put my trust in someone who probably did not have my best interest at heart- thus leading to the heart wrenching e-mail I received on Wednesday. Either way, I know I'm fully capable of writing sentences that are grammatically correct. I also know that I am smart enough to attend graduate school.
Within 72 hrs, two of my dreams were denied. Or in this case--deferred. One door shut on my dream to advance myself academically and another closed on what could have been my first job offer.
God has a way of making things happen. Nothing in life happens by accident. Am I having a hard time coming to grips with the comments and/or decisions made? Yes. Why? Because words hurt. It hurts to know that some people don't believe in you or see your potential or even think you are capable of great things. It also hurts when you start imagining yourself in that situation and it never happens.
I don't know what God's plan is for my life. At this point it could be anything. What I do know is that God has put in my heart the desire to be someone great. Not someone that goes through the motions of life but someone that will change the world, have an impact on lives and do good to everyone near and far. That dream, that desire, that is what drives me. That is the source of my ambition, that is the source of my grind. That is why I go online and spend hours researching job positions and perfecting my cover letters. That is why I aspire to go to school so I can be a knowledge producer instead of a knowledge consumer. I know I am capable of changing the world but I haven't found my purpose yet. Maybe marketing is not the direction He wants me to go in. That's fine, I accept that. I accept whatever His will is for my life because whether I like it or not, I am not in control. He is in control.
So despite everything going on and how I'm feeling, I would publicly like to thank God for giving me the opportunity to experience this so I can share this with friends and family and my future family. God's rejection is truly His protection. He has me going through trials and tribulations because he is preparing me for something great. And I will walk in faith. While people think I'm crazy to intern for free, I will continue to do what God wants me to do because when He believes I am ready, it will all fall into place.
I got through living in a tumultuous, broken home. I got through being one of the BADDEST plus-sized dancers (and I STILL GOT IT HONEY DON'T PLAY ME LOL). I managed to live through getting rejected by every college I applied to but ONE. I managed to sit in a room and be the only African-American student and not only hold it down for my people, but to show that we are fully capable of analyzing, dissecting, proving and disproving an argument. I managed to graduate on time. And somehow I managed to land internships at a world-renown newspaper and a top tier PR firm. So here I am, I stand before you a fighter. I came into this world kicking and screaming from day ONE. And if anyone thinks rejection letters, broken hearts, an absent mother, and an inability to land a first job is going to stop me from being great then you must not know me.
What would Jesus do? He would keep it moving. So that's what I'ma do. I'm chuck up the deuces honey, "i'm moving on to something better, better, better..."
