The Buck Stops Here: Getting My Health Back

Bees, I've been slacking on posting -- but for good reason of course! I've been working hard at my new job and really adjusting the norms and minor stress of being on full-time staff. I love it though, it's definitely better than interning. Haha.

Anyway, I've been going through a few things, privately of course. But after reading a post that my bestie wrote (if you haven't read "Handcuffed to God", check it out here) I decided it would do me some good emotionally to share what's been going on.

As most of you know, I was in a major car accident a few months ago where my car was totaled and I walked away without a scratch, but I did begin to notice consistent muscle spasms going on in my back and shoulders. I was treated for it, but the pain continued to come back. So, I made the usual appointment to the doctor. Little did I know that reality was getting ready to smack me in the face. The nurse checked my vitals and took my blood pressure and immediately looked concerned. My blood pressure was very high, in fact too high for a 23-year-old. She said "it could stand to come down" and that I should keep monitoring it. When she left, I took it upon myself to look at my electronic records and I noticed a spike in my blood pressure from the summer up until now and I was pissed no one had mentioned it or brought it up. So of course I tell my doctor and I'm like look what's the deal with my blood pressure? Is it these birth control pills I'm taking, etc.

She literally shot back at me and said, "your blood pressure has always been a bit high, but we're reluctant to put you on medication because you're so young." OH. MY. GOODNESS. Blood pressure medication? A piece of me died. And she looked at me and said, "honestly, between me and you, if you don't lose the weight, you're gonna die earlier than you should." I really just sat there. After that visit I found out (after doing some blood work) I was anemic, iron (I knew about this already) AND vitamin D deficient and I would be on prescription vitamin D for the rest of my life.

Thanks to Google, I found out I've been walking around for awhile with Prehypertension. And actually, my BP readings have dipped into hypertension levels (140/100). In other words, at age 23, I'm already having blood pressure issues, which means I'm already at risk for MAJOR heart problems. My dad had blood pressure issues and he's been able to get his weight down and his blood pressure down to normal!

He almost died a little over two years ago. The doctor told him like was going to have a heart attack very soon if he didn't change his lifestyle and my dad didn't even know that was happening to him. My dad didn't tell me anything until 2 years later. Now...2 years ago I was in college...and everyone that knows me personally knows how close and quite frankly how dependent I am on my dad. My mom left when I was about 13 and I don't have a close relationship with my sister who also left a few years ago. If he passed away then...honestly I don't think I would alive today writing this post. I wish I was kidding...but I'm not.

My dad is 59. And I'm 23. Now, I am facing the same issues as he did. It's scary...BUT if you don't like something...you got it --- work to change it.

So after all that happened, I enrolled at Gold's Gym. And when I told the trainers my story, I fought back the tears because I don't like crying in front of people I don't know and honestly I didn't want it to lead to self-pity, "look at you now, not only are you fat but you did this to yourself". Um no, I'm sorry, I don't want people to feel sorry that this is happening to me just like I don't want people to feel sorry for me that I don't have a relationship with my biological mother and sister. It is what it is and it's made me the young lady that I am today. One's true character always shines in the moment of adversity and I've had a hell of a lot of it. And quite honestly, even though it took me a long time,  I love myself as I am. I'm not walking around calling myself fat or ugly or running around trying to bleach my skin because I'm dark-skinned. I don't care about that stuff anymore, because everyone---EVERYONE has insecurities. And I'll be damned if I'm wasting my life sulking about stuff that I can't change when I can focus on the things I do have control over.

My dad is proud that I want to make the change for myself. One, I really don't like asking for help. Two, it's difficult to go into a gym and admit to yourself that you have an addiction to unhealthy food. Yes, I have an addiction. Three, it's even more difficult to admit to yourself that if you don't change your life you're going to die sooner rather than later. Four, when the people at a gym are extremely worried about your health...to the point where they continue to stare at your blood pressure numbers...yea, its about time to get that life together.

I wasn't the same person after that doctor's appointment. I sat in the car and said to myself. The buck stops here. I'm not going to continue to kill myself. I'm sorry, there are things to be accomplished and my mission is far from complete. So now I go to the gym at least four times a week for about 1 hr to an 1hr and 30 mins and I do cardio and I lift weights now right next to guys who look at me like damn this chick is serious. I don't eat out anymore, I make my own food and I have salad at least 3 times a week. I drink water constantly (I do have those Crystal Light packets and I do allow myself one juice or soda a week), and I take vitamins daily now. My personal training sessions begin tomorrow and yes, this investment in my health is gonna cost me $500 for all 20 sessions ALONE (not including the $30 for gym membership). But you know what, this is my life we're talking about. Cost is a non factor in this case.

I didn't like what I heard...so now I'm changing it. And I already see results. Don't just talk the talk, be about something. What ever it is. Period.

MB